You Know You're An Exmormon If...
« previous entry | next entry »
Aug. 31st, 2004 | 01:40 pm
mood: 
amused
(some of my favorites)
[[TBM = True Blue Mormon]]
...you start encouraging your little girls to go to college for something other than their "Mrs." degree.
... the scene of little old ladies bearing tearful testimonies makes you laugh out loud.
... the scene of 5 year old kids bearing testimonies whispered in their ear makes you cry.
... you've ever done a bullshit cough, (*cough* Bullshit *cough*) after someone announces from the pulpit that, "I know this church is true."
... a court order restricts you from coming within 100 yards of any church building, you might be an apostate.
...realize you actually like oral sex.
...You begin to realise that having ten kids was not such a good idea.
...You talk to people because you want to, not because you're told to.
...You visit houses in pairs, and are invited.
...You start to notice that there's plenty of other groups pretty much like the Mormons.
...Everyone can come to your marriage.
...You no longer have to surgically remove your underwear.
...You have a better testimony of Jack Daniels than Joe Smith.
...You prefer the parable of the stripping cheerleaders to the stripling warriors.
...You believe "Mormonism" is "Communism" and "Fascism" at the same time.
...You realise all LDS churches look the same - or most of the new ones anyway.
...You realize every weekend has two days instead of just one.
...You start Sunday morning with a Bloody Mary!
...You run out of dust rags and then remember you've got those cotton garmies stuffed away in a drawer that would be just perfect!
...You decide not to hide the wine when the TBM family visits.
...when you stop capitalizing words like elder, bishop, priest, high priest, and The Church. In fact, when you stop assuming everyone knows what you mean by The Church.
...when sex lasts more than 3 minutes.
...you get culture shock when you walk into your neighbor's living room which has pictures of Jesus and little porceline temples everywhere.
...someone mentions the word "prophet" and you automatically think "kook"
...you actually give a crap about the envirnonment and wildlife, realizing the earth is NOT an endless resource for your consumption.
...someone says "anti" and you laugh instead of recoiling in fear.
...you find yourself having to re-learn how to think.
...you have to rethink your opinion of cussing. Maybe people who swear aren't stupid, lazy, or bad after all.
...you trust 'gentiles' more than 'wholesome' Mormons.
...when you think one wife will do.
[[TBM = True Blue Mormon]]
...you start encouraging your little girls to go to college for something other than their "Mrs." degree.
... the scene of little old ladies bearing tearful testimonies makes you laugh out loud.
... the scene of 5 year old kids bearing testimonies whispered in their ear makes you cry.
... you've ever done a bullshit cough, (*cough* Bullshit *cough*) after someone announces from the pulpit that, "I know this church is true."
... a court order restricts you from coming within 100 yards of any church building, you might be an apostate.
...realize you actually like oral sex.
...You begin to realise that having ten kids was not such a good idea.
...You talk to people because you want to, not because you're told to.
...You visit houses in pairs, and are invited.
...You start to notice that there's plenty of other groups pretty much like the Mormons.
...Everyone can come to your marriage.
...You no longer have to surgically remove your underwear.
...You have a better testimony of Jack Daniels than Joe Smith.
...You prefer the parable of the stripping cheerleaders to the stripling warriors.
...You believe "Mormonism" is "Communism" and "Fascism" at the same time.
...You realise all LDS churches look the same - or most of the new ones anyway.
...You realize every weekend has two days instead of just one.
...You start Sunday morning with a Bloody Mary!
...You run out of dust rags and then remember you've got those cotton garmies stuffed away in a drawer that would be just perfect!
...You decide not to hide the wine when the TBM family visits.
...when you stop capitalizing words like elder, bishop, priest, high priest, and The Church. In fact, when you stop assuming everyone knows what you mean by The Church.
...when sex lasts more than 3 minutes.
...you get culture shock when you walk into your neighbor's living room which has pictures of Jesus and little porceline temples everywhere.
...someone mentions the word "prophet" and you automatically think "kook"
...you actually give a crap about the envirnonment and wildlife, realizing the earth is NOT an endless resource for your consumption.
...someone says "anti" and you laugh instead of recoiling in fear.
...you find yourself having to re-learn how to think.
...you have to rethink your opinion of cussing. Maybe people who swear aren't stupid, lazy, or bad after all.
...you trust 'gentiles' more than 'wholesome' Mormons.
...when you think one wife will do.
Comments {3}
From:Date: Aug. 31st, 2004 03:09 pm (UTC)
Link
Reply | Thread
From:Date: Sep. 1st, 2004 09:03 am (UTC)
Link
you can see the full list here.
Reply | Parent | Thread
From:Date: Sep. 1st, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
Link
Reply | Parent | Thread